I went to visit your storybook for this week's assignment. I am very excited to see what stories will come next. You did a good job of making the image grab my attention with the grinning villain, and the menacing color scheme you chose for the background and the font. The image of Rumpelstiltskin is captivating. The introduction story does draw me in and cause me to sit and join you in a delicious tale of what makes the villains tick. You capture the mood of the macabre and I feel like the story will put villains on trial to be questioned and examined as to their motives, especially the ones you mentioned. It feels like I can expect the villains to be put on trial much like the British Sherlock Holmes as you mention him and give us this image of credibility.
The idea transitions a bit to maybe a new paragraph where you start with "It is time we have a look..." as far the mechanics of the intro goes. I do not see any other areas that I could offer suggestion with. You have done a great job of getting this reader excited about what else is in store. I look forward to seeing your storybook develop.
When I first checked out your storybook page I really liked how it was put together. The dark colors and terrifying picture of the villain from Anastasia would definitely make me think your storybook was going to be on something scary without even reading the title. I also feel that this definitely sets the mood for the stories to come so great job on that!
I loved your introduction! It's awesome that you're making a storybook based on the why of villains actions. Usually stories focus on the good person and their story and not the villain so I definitely think your stories will be interesting to read! I also really enjoyed the fact that the first few paragraphs led the readers to think and then the remaining few introduced us to the person asking the questions, a detective. It's also a good touch that you had the detective have a motive behind finding out more about the villains by adding a personal connection due to Madeline's mother dying. I feel that adds a higher level of personal drive and passion.
The only things in the intro that I think could be tweaked is in the third paragraph, second to last sentence. I think you can change "a villains" to "their" so it's not too repetitive. And in the fourth paragraph you could add a you in front of "your." Other than that I think you did a fantastic job!
You have such a good title and it is what drew me to your storybook. I think a lot of us chose really creepy storybook ideas.. so woo! I love eery stories and I am looking forward to reading yours. When I first looked at the storybook I was immediately set in the mindset for stories about villains. It will definitely enhance the stories that you plan to write.
Your introduction was really well done. I liked that you weaved questions into the introduction making is really interactive with the reader. ALSO, I just started watching Once Upon A Time! I got really giddy when I saw that Rumplestiltskin will be the first antagonist! He is so creepy. I am so excited.
To be honest, I think your storybook is one that I will continually read throughout the semester. I am really into it and I think you've done a fantastic job with it.
Hello Sara, I really enjoyed reading your introduction for your storybook. You immediately grabbed my attention with the topic. Also, you grabbed my attention when you incorporated yourself as the investigator in this story. That is the coolest part of the introduction I think. Here is one of my main suggestions. At one point, you say "this one is for the villains." I felt like you were in support of the villains when you said this, but then you said you are going to be the investigator who will lock them up. So, I would just watch for how you use your language to keep clear who's side you are on. I feel like that is what drives the story; if you are for or against the villains.
I really like the layout that you have! The green text make the introduction extremely easy to read and give it a spooky feel. Everything is playing into the spooky vibe. Oh and this is timely with Halloween just around the corner! Good work!
Sara! Wonderful start on your first page. The dark back ground gives the overall feel of something evil. The neon green text is also a nice touch. The dark background allows for the bigger picture and the neon green text to be the main focus of the page. I really like your idea of your storybook! That's an awesome idea. The paragraphs flowed nicely and the text was easy to read. I wasn't really creeped out until I saw the picture at the bottom of your introduction. That picture really got me. I really like the line "after all they started it." It makes me see your main character as sassy and willing to fight. I would be careful using the neon green text on any light back ground. It's hard to read and hurts to look at. I think the rest of your stories are going to be great and I can't wait to see how they are developed!
Hello Sara, I really like the simplicity of your storybook design. To see a disney villain that many people can instantly recognize does a good job at setting the tone for the rest of your storybook. Your introduction is fantastic! It does such a good job at explaining what is going on in the town of Mayville and who is catching all these villains. Its an interesting twist that all the villains meet in the forest to drink from a cursed stream to gain their power and share their stories. The only suggestion I have to make your introduction even better is maybe to describe what our investigator looks like. This helps the readers all imagine the same person and not have their own image of the main character. I like in the interview with Rumpelstiltskin how you tell us how they are interviewed and that you must wait two months to avoid curses. This is such a great detail that many people would have overlooked. I like how you explained his story as wanting to have a sibling that he could play with. That instantly changed my perspective on a classic storybook villain to one of sorrow for his loneliness.
Your introduction definitely has me intrigued! I think the idea of black magic villains is really creative and also a great way to tie together otherwise unrelated characters. Very clever! I found the stream of consciousness/addressing the listener style to be really appropriate for the subject you chose—it drew me in and wanted to make me know more about the main character. But, you switched back to third person towards the end, which was a little confusing to me. There are some punctuation errors, such as missed commas—I would just run back through and make sure anything left out like that is for stylistic purposes. You also switch between past and present tense a couple of times, you might just check back through for that, as well. Overall, really nice job! I look forward to seeing what you come up with for the rest of your villains!
Also, I love that your cover photo is Rasputin! Anastasia was one of my favorite movies growing up.
Hello Sara! I am doing my extra credit project comments. I picked your story as the title seemed very interesting to me. I write my comments by putting the windows side by side. Hence different paragraphs are my reaction to reading each page. The site layout and background darkness is perfect for black magic! The coverpage image instantly hooked me in.
This is such a cool concept that you picked. The introduction provides great background details. It also tells us what we can expect in the stories. I cannot wait to click the first story to see how the interrogation goes.
Now on to the story. Great background information and great description about how and where the interrogation occurs. That helped me picture where the villains are being held and where they are being interrogated. One thing I found was that you switched from first person to third person towards the last few paragraphs. Switching those paragraphs back to first person would make the story better I think.
You did an excellent job. It is such a cool concept and you did a great job to make it better. I cannot wait to see how Rumpel knew her mother and cannot wait to read the other stories.
Rumpelstitskin's Interrogation: Good first sentence, it sparks my interest because he clearly in trouble and I want to know why. Summarizing the character's story in the beginning is probably one of the most helpful things you can do. I really like how the reader can see the other side of the villain. I actually felt bad for him after hearing his side of the story. . I also liked in your author’s note that included that his problem might be stemmed from something like a mental issue or something deeper. People aren't born bad, they are just misunderstood. Your story has a awesome theme going and I think the rest of your stories are going to be great. Good job, I will come back and read the rest of what you to write!
Hey I really enjoyed your first story! I have a couple of suggestions.
First, go through the whole story and check for comma usage. This is particularly related to interjections. There are just a few places that have some errors. So, don't stress! You did very well.
There is also some dialogue that is not separated from a paragraph. So, just double check throughout the whole story for quotes that are not indented secluded by themselves.
I really like how personable you make your writing. You constantly have the audience wondering what is going to happen next. Did I mention how great your visuals are?
Your visuals are amazing! This is because I recognize your pictures from the TV show. It immediately made me want to read just seeing those images. It is hard to not get excited about children's stories that have been turned into an adult TV show.
Hello! So! I like the theme of your story, being from the villain's point of view. Very intriguing.
The green and black theme makes your storybook even more spooky, so that helps build a visual setting for the reader. I also like how you used the photos from Once Upon a Time so that the reader has an idea as to what Rumpel looks like. And props for finding a really good creepy photo of Rasputin!
One comment I would have to make about the text would be to just do a quick proofread. Towards the end of your Rumpel story, Officer M. wasn't capitalized. So just a few grammar things here and there.
Also, I have a question. If your main female detective character uses a disguise, how does Rumpel know about her mother Diana (unless he knew she was lying)? Just a teeny bit of a continuity error, or maybe it was something you were going to come back to.
Anyways, your author's note and introduction are great. I can't wait to see what other stories you decide to add on to this!
What an amazing idea for a storybook! I considered doing a similar topic, telling the true story behind the villains. I love the way that you chose to rewrite them though! Much better than my idea. I like that you have them arrested and that the narrator is a detective. I think that it’s great.
I really like that you chose Rumpelstiltskin for your first story. I’m doing a storybook about the Grimm fairytales and my first story was Rumpelstiltskin too! I thought that it was a great starting point, since it is relatively easy to rewrite since it’s so short.
I don’t recall seeing any grammar mistakes in your story, which is fantastic. My only suggestion would be to maybe make your font a little larger. I love the color and everything, but a larger font might make it a little easier to read!
The first thing that your Storybook reminded me of was the show Once Upon a Time. It seemed very reminiscent of Emma Swan as sheriff/the savior in the town of Storybrooke. Although the show has become kind of ridiculous I still enjoy watching it! This must have been your inspiration since you used the image of Rumpelstiltskin from the show! I thought your retelling was really interesting. I always enjoy reading a well-known story from a different characters perspective, especially from the villain. Stories such as this allow readers to see it from all different angles rather than just one. I felt the images you chose for your introduction and your story were both good choices. My only recommendation would be changing the color of your background or the font. I was able to read your work in its entirety I just felt that my eyes were straining. Overall great job!
ok so first of all this has nothing to do with your story but that pic on your comment wall made me laugh too hard. anyways on to the story book. I really like the green text on the back back ground it made it stand out and was very easy to read. your intro was pretty good I really like the idea of a team that goes around and captures villains. also the back story for the detective is very good as well. now on to your first story. this has been one of my favorite stories so far. It had everything taht you need to make a good story. i had good dialog. it had some mystery. it was descriptive and best of all it left me wanting more. I wish you could have written more because i really what to know what happens next. i can not wait to comeback here and see what you come up with next.
Hello! It seems to me that you are having some issues with your navigation bar. There is a very useful tech tip about navigation and how to make sure your pages are in chronological order. With that being said, let’s get into your reading! Now, take everything I say lightly because I am in the Indian Epics class and know nothing about mythology. The layout of your site is very simple, probably just how a villain would have it. The colors kind of reminded me of Goosebumps. The introduction was easy to read. I liked that you asked a lot of questions to get the readers thinking. They were questions that I, myself, have never thought to ask. We all just have sort of accepted that there are bad people that do terrible things and have left it at that. I like that you attempt to tell us what really was going on (and make them seem less villainous).
I enjoyed your storybook. The layout is simple and not to crazy. I would love to have a picture at the beginning to help set the context a bit. Sometimes having one at the beginning is really helpful for the reader to instantly connect with the story. I came over from the other class the Epics of India. I wanted to see what everyone in mythology has been working on! I was really excited to begin reading. I've got a couple of things now I want to go back and watch videos and read about. It's weird because the vibes of the two classes are completely different. Here in the mythology there are many characters I recognize from growing up. However, in epics of India I recognize only a few if any. I like the background of your blog and how it looks. I wish I had more time to do this and transfer over here. I was intrigued by the title of your storybook if you want to know why I read it.
Hi Sara, I think the colors of your storybook go really great together. That color of the green font reminded me of the green smoke a lot of Disney movies use for their villains. For example, in the scene in Lion King where Scar rallies his army as he sings the song, “Be Prepared,” he is surrounded by that mystical green smoke. The picture of the villain in Anastasia really sets the tone for the rest of your story book. That sinister smile he has is pretty scary. I think your concept is a great idea. I did something sort of similar but I love how one idea can branch out to different styles. I really enjoyed reading your introduction. I love how you said we encounter villains everyday of our lives. It really reminds me of Once Upon a Time with the small town filled with magic aspect. Which makes me so glad you included Rumpelstiltskin! The only think I would reevaluate is in your navigation. Should Rumpelstiltskin’s Interrogation be first? Over all though, I think you are doing a great job and I can’t wait to see the finished product.
Hey Sara ok so i came back to your story book because it has been one of my favorite that i have read so far. you do such a good job with these stories i really do enjoy reading them. I am really glad that we got to pick who ever we wanted this week because I just had to know what happens next in your story. Let me tell you, you did not disappoint. having Rasputin as the villain was a fantastically terrifying idea. I really like how you weaved his story in to your story. again you have left me with a cliffhanger uhhhh i hate this.. not really i think that you do such a good job writing that I really just want to know whats going to happen next. i really like how you have been able to mix all these worlds together and tell your own story. i will be checking back in the next few weeks to read your next story. keep up the good work.
I am really happy that I was put into a group with your storybook this week! (If not, I was planning to choose to comment on yours!) I was really excited to read about Rumplestilkskin when I last checked in and boy I was not disappointed.
I loved it! I am not sure if it is still from my addiction to Once Upon A Time or what, but boy was I hooked. I enjoy that your stories are multidimensional and give a more in-depth, detailed insight to what is going on with the characters. You're doing an amazing job with writing your stories. Truly, an amazing job!
I read your next story about Rasputin and you did a good job of continuing your storybook. I am exited to see where you take it next. Especially since you let this story end with a cliffhanger.
Continue the good work! I can't wait to check in and see what comes up next!
Hi Sara! Great job on the introduction, coverpage, and the layout again. I went back to read the first story again as I really liked it reading it last time. I see you fixed the little errors that you had before. Great job on that.
I thought you did an even better job on this one. I didn't see the ending coming at all. I wish she could've gotten some kind of revenge even though he is going to die anyway. You did an excellent job on the details on this story. The dialogues were amazing, and they added another dimension to the story. I didn't find any errors to report here. That is amazing considering how long the story is. I thought you did an excellent job in connecting the stories. It flowed really well. The image you picked did an excellent job also. It showed his eyes to be exactly as you described. Again, great job!!
You did a great job with this Storybook so far. I liked the intro story. It really set the mood for the other stories and the picture really helps too. You did a great job with your descriptive words. The background and font is easy to read and simplistic. I liked the questions you had. It something that the reader uses to find the answer in the story or something we mentally keep in our heads while we read.
I didn’t see grammatical errors or confusing parts while reading so you did a good job at editing. I look forward to reading the rest of your stories and I hope these comments help you write better ones for your story book.
Hey Sara, I really like your storybook topic and the spin that you took on all the classic stories of the villains. I read your Rumplestiltskin story and really enjoyed how you wrote it and the story itself. I found it very interesting that the main character of your story is a sort of interrogator for captured villains. It is something that I have never seen before and I thought that it was very clever. As for the Rumplestiltskin story I like how you really gave a different view of the story and show another side of the renowned villain. It was quite nice to read his side and what he told to “Penelope”. I was a little confused as to whether or not he was lying or telling the truth but I suppose that was the point of it all. I also really like the color scheme and layout that you picked. It really gave me the feeling of evil and even though the layout was simple I think it fit the theme of your story very well.
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteHi Sara!
ReplyDeleteWay cute picture of the puppy!
I went to visit your storybook for this week's assignment. I am very excited to see what stories will come next. You did a good job of making the image grab my attention with the grinning villain, and the menacing color scheme you chose for the background and the font.
The image of Rumpelstiltskin is captivating. The introduction story does draw me in and cause me to sit and join you in a delicious tale of what makes the villains tick. You capture the mood of the macabre and I feel like the story will put villains on trial to be questioned and examined as to their motives, especially the ones you mentioned. It feels like I can expect the villains to be put on trial much like the British Sherlock Holmes as you mention him and give us this image of credibility.
The idea transitions a bit to maybe a new paragraph where you start with "It is time we have a look..." as far the mechanics of the intro goes. I do not see any other areas that I could offer suggestion with. You have done a great job of getting this reader excited about what else is in store. I look forward to seeing your storybook develop.
Hello there Sara!
ReplyDeleteWhen I first checked out your storybook page I really liked how it was put together. The dark colors and terrifying picture of the villain from Anastasia would definitely make me think your storybook was going to be on something scary without even reading the title. I also feel that this definitely sets the mood for the stories to come so great job on that!
I loved your introduction! It's awesome that you're making a storybook based on the why of villains actions. Usually stories focus on the good person and their story and not the villain so I definitely think your stories will be interesting to read! I also really enjoyed the fact that the first few paragraphs led the readers to think and then the remaining few introduced us to the person asking the questions, a detective. It's also a good touch that you had the detective have a motive behind finding out more about the villains by adding a personal connection due to Madeline's mother dying. I feel that adds a higher level of personal drive and passion.
The only things in the intro that I think could be tweaked is in the third paragraph, second to last sentence. I think you can change "a villains" to "their" so it's not too repetitive. And in the fourth paragraph you could add a you in front of "your." Other than that I think you did a fantastic job!
Hi Sara,
ReplyDeleteYou have such a good title and it is what drew me to your storybook. I think a lot of us chose really creepy storybook ideas.. so woo! I love eery stories and I am looking forward to reading yours. When I first looked at the storybook I was immediately set in the mindset for stories about villains. It will definitely enhance the stories that you plan to write.
Your introduction was really well done. I liked that you weaved questions into the introduction making is really interactive with the reader. ALSO, I just started watching Once Upon A Time! I got really giddy when I saw that Rumplestiltskin will be the first antagonist! He is so creepy. I am so excited.
To be honest, I think your storybook is one that I will continually read throughout the semester. I am really into it and I think you've done a fantastic job with it.
Hope the your semester is going well!
Hello Sara, I really enjoyed reading your introduction for your storybook. You immediately grabbed my attention with the topic. Also, you grabbed my attention when you incorporated yourself as the investigator in this story. That is the coolest part of the introduction I think. Here is one of my main suggestions. At one point, you say "this one is for the villains." I felt like you were in support of the villains when you said this, but then you said you are going to be the investigator who will lock them up. So, I would just watch for how you use your language to keep clear who's side you are on. I feel like that is what drives the story; if you are for or against the villains.
ReplyDeleteI really like the layout that you have! The green text make the introduction extremely easy to read and give it a spooky feel. Everything is playing into the spooky vibe. Oh and this is timely with Halloween just around the corner! Good work!
Sara! Wonderful start on your first page. The dark back ground gives the overall feel of something evil. The neon green text is also a nice touch. The dark background allows for the bigger picture and the neon green text to be the main focus of the page. I really like your idea of your storybook! That's an awesome idea. The paragraphs flowed nicely and the text was easy to read. I wasn't really creeped out until I saw the picture at the bottom of your introduction. That picture really got me. I really like the line "after all they started it." It makes me see your main character as sassy and willing to fight. I would be careful using the neon green text on any light back ground. It's hard to read and hurts to look at. I think the rest of your stories are going to be great and I can't wait to see how they are developed!
ReplyDeleteHello Sara,
ReplyDeleteI really like the simplicity of your storybook design. To see a disney villain that many people can instantly recognize does a good job at setting the tone for the rest of your storybook. Your introduction is fantastic! It does such a good job at explaining what is going on in the town of Mayville and who is catching all these villains. Its an interesting twist that all the villains meet in the forest to drink from a cursed stream to gain their power and share their stories. The only suggestion I have to make your introduction even better is maybe to describe what our investigator looks like. This helps the readers all imagine the same person and not have their own image of the main character. I like in the interview with Rumpelstiltskin how you tell us how they are interviewed and that you must wait two months to avoid curses. This is such a great detail that many people would have overlooked. I like how you explained his story as wanting to have a sibling that he could play with. That instantly changed my perspective on a classic storybook villain to one of sorrow for his loneliness.
Hello!
ReplyDeleteYour introduction definitely has me intrigued! I think the idea of black magic villains is really creative and also a great way to tie together otherwise unrelated characters. Very clever! I found the stream of consciousness/addressing the listener style to be really appropriate for the subject you chose—it drew me in and wanted to make me know more about the main character. But, you switched back to third person towards the end, which was a little confusing to me. There are some punctuation errors, such as missed commas—I would just run back through and make sure anything left out like that is for stylistic purposes. You also switch between past and present tense a couple of times, you might just check back through for that, as well. Overall, really nice job! I look forward to seeing what you come up with for the rest of your villains!
Also, I love that your cover photo is Rasputin! Anastasia was one of my favorite movies growing up.
Hello Sara! I am doing my extra credit project comments. I picked your story as the title seemed very interesting to me. I write my comments by putting the windows side by side. Hence different paragraphs are my reaction to reading each page. The site layout and background darkness is perfect for black magic! The coverpage image instantly hooked me in.
ReplyDeleteThis is such a cool concept that you picked. The introduction provides great background details. It also tells us what we can expect in the stories. I cannot wait to click the first story to see how the interrogation goes.
Now on to the story. Great background information and great description about how and where the interrogation occurs. That helped me picture where the villains are being held and where they are being interrogated. One thing I found was that you switched from first person to third person towards the last few paragraphs. Switching those paragraphs back to first person would make the story better I think.
You did an excellent job. It is such a cool concept and you did a great job to make it better. I cannot wait to see how Rumpel knew her mother and cannot wait to read the other stories.
Rumpelstitskin's Interrogation:
ReplyDeleteGood first sentence, it sparks my interest because he clearly in trouble and I want to know why. Summarizing the character's story in the beginning is probably one of the most helpful things you can do. I really like how the reader can see the other side of the villain. I actually felt bad for him after hearing his side of the story. . I also liked in your author’s note that included that his problem might be stemmed from something like a mental issue or something deeper. People aren't born bad, they are just misunderstood. Your story has a awesome theme going and I think the rest of your stories are going to be great. Good job, I will come back and read the rest of what you to write!
Hey I really enjoyed your first story! I have a couple of suggestions.
ReplyDeleteFirst, go through the whole story and check for comma usage. This is particularly related to interjections. There are just a few places that have some errors. So, don't stress! You did very well.
There is also some dialogue that is not separated from a paragraph. So, just double check throughout the whole story for quotes that are not indented secluded by themselves.
I really like how personable you make your writing. You constantly have the audience wondering what is going to happen next. Did I mention how great your visuals are?
Your visuals are amazing! This is because I recognize your pictures from the TV show. It immediately made me want to read just seeing those images. It is hard to not get excited about children's stories that have been turned into an adult TV show.
Hello! So! I like the theme of your story, being from the villain's point of view. Very intriguing.
ReplyDeleteThe green and black theme makes your storybook even more spooky, so that helps build a visual setting for the reader. I also like how you used the photos from Once Upon a Time so that the reader has an idea as to what Rumpel looks like. And props for finding a really good creepy photo of Rasputin!
One comment I would have to make about the text would be to just do a quick proofread. Towards the end of your Rumpel story, Officer M. wasn't capitalized. So just a few grammar things here and there.
Also, I have a question. If your main female detective character uses a disguise, how does Rumpel know about her mother Diana (unless he knew she was lying)? Just a teeny bit of a continuity error, or maybe it was something you were going to come back to.
Anyways, your author's note and introduction are great. I can't wait to see what other stories you decide to add on to this!
Hi Sara!
ReplyDeleteWhat an amazing idea for a storybook! I considered doing a similar topic, telling the true story behind the villains. I love the way that you chose to rewrite them though! Much better than my idea. I like that you have them arrested and that the narrator is a detective. I think that it’s great.
I really like that you chose Rumpelstiltskin for your first story. I’m doing a storybook about the Grimm fairytales and my first story was Rumpelstiltskin too! I thought that it was a great starting point, since it is relatively easy to rewrite since it’s so short.
I don’t recall seeing any grammar mistakes in your story, which is fantastic. My only suggestion would be to maybe make your font a little larger. I love the color and everything, but a larger font might make it a little easier to read!
I look forward to reading your future stories!
The first thing that your Storybook reminded me of was the show Once Upon a Time. It seemed very reminiscent of Emma Swan as sheriff/the savior in the town of Storybrooke. Although the show has become kind of ridiculous I still enjoy watching it! This must have been your inspiration since you used the image of Rumpelstiltskin from the show!
ReplyDeleteI thought your retelling was really interesting. I always enjoy reading a well-known story from a different characters perspective, especially from the villain. Stories such as this allow readers to see it from all different angles rather than just one.
I felt the images you chose for your introduction and your story were both good choices. My only recommendation would be changing the color of your background or the font. I was able to read your work in its entirety I just felt that my eyes were straining. Overall great job!
ok so first of all this has nothing to do with your story but that pic on your comment wall made me laugh too hard. anyways on to the story book. I really like the green text on the back back ground it made it stand out and was very easy to read. your intro was pretty good I really like the idea of a team that goes around and captures villains. also the back story for the detective is very good as well. now on to your first story. this has been one of my favorite stories so far. It had everything taht you need to make a good story. i had good dialog. it had some mystery. it was descriptive and best of all it left me wanting more. I wish you could have written more because i really what to know what happens next. i can not wait to comeback here and see what you come up with next.
ReplyDeleteHello! It seems to me that you are having some issues with your navigation bar. There is a very useful tech tip about navigation and how to make sure your pages are in chronological order. With that being said, let’s get into your reading! Now, take everything I say lightly because I am in the Indian Epics class and know nothing about mythology.
ReplyDeleteThe layout of your site is very simple, probably just how a villain would have it. The colors kind of reminded me of Goosebumps. The introduction was easy to read. I liked that you asked a lot of questions to get the readers thinking. They were questions that I, myself, have never thought to ask. We all just have sort of accepted that there are bad people that do terrible things and have left it at that. I like that you attempt to tell us what really was going on (and make them seem less villainous).
I enjoyed your storybook. The layout is simple and not to crazy. I would love to have a picture at the beginning to help set the context a bit. Sometimes having one at the beginning is really helpful for the reader to instantly connect with the story. I came over from the other class the Epics of India. I wanted to see what everyone in mythology has been working on! I was really excited to begin reading. I've got a couple of things now I want to go back and watch videos and read about. It's weird because the vibes of the two classes are completely different. Here in the mythology there are many characters I recognize from growing up. However, in epics of India I recognize only a few if any. I like the background of your blog and how it looks. I wish I had more time to do this and transfer over here. I was intrigued by the title of your storybook if you want to know why I read it.
ReplyDeleteHi Sara,
ReplyDeleteI think the colors of your storybook go really great together. That color of the green font reminded me of the green smoke a lot of Disney movies use for their villains. For example, in the scene in Lion King where Scar rallies his army as he sings the song, “Be Prepared,” he is surrounded by that mystical green smoke. The picture of the villain in Anastasia really sets the tone for the rest of your story book. That sinister smile he has is pretty scary. I think your concept is a great idea. I did something sort of similar but I love how one idea can branch out to different styles. I really enjoyed reading your introduction. I love how you said we encounter villains everyday of our lives. It really reminds me of Once Upon a Time with the small town filled with magic aspect. Which makes me so glad you included Rumpelstiltskin! The only think I would reevaluate is in your navigation. Should Rumpelstiltskin’s Interrogation be first? Over all though, I think you are doing a great job and I can’t wait to see the finished product.
Hey Sara
ReplyDeleteok so i came back to your story book because it has been one of my favorite that i have read so far. you do such a good job with these stories i really do enjoy reading them. I am really glad that we got to pick who ever we wanted this week because I just had to know what happens next in your story. Let me tell you, you did not disappoint. having Rasputin as the villain was a fantastically terrifying idea. I really like how you weaved his story in to your story. again you have left me with a cliffhanger uhhhh i hate this.. not really i think that you do such a good job writing that I really just want to know whats going to happen next. i really like how you have been able to mix all these worlds together and tell your own story. i will be checking back in the next few weeks to read your next story. keep up the good work.
Hi Sara,
ReplyDeleteI am really happy that I was put into a group with your storybook this week! (If not, I was planning to choose to comment on yours!) I was really excited to read about Rumplestilkskin when I last checked in and boy I was not disappointed.
I loved it! I am not sure if it is still from my addiction to Once Upon A Time or what, but boy was I hooked. I enjoy that your stories are multidimensional and give a more in-depth, detailed insight to what is going on with the characters. You're doing an amazing job with writing your stories. Truly, an amazing job!
I read your next story about Rasputin and you did a good job of continuing your storybook. I am exited to see where you take it next. Especially since you let this story end with a cliffhanger.
Continue the good work! I can't wait to check in and see what comes up next!
Hi Sara! Great job on the introduction, coverpage, and the layout again. I went back to read the first story again as I really liked it reading it last time. I see you fixed the little errors that you had before. Great job on that.
ReplyDeleteI thought you did an even better job on this one. I didn't see the ending coming at all. I wish she could've gotten some kind of revenge even though he is going to die anyway. You did an excellent job on the details on this story. The dialogues were amazing, and they added another dimension to the story. I didn't find any errors to report here. That is amazing considering how long the story is. I thought you did an excellent job in connecting the stories. It flowed really well. The image you picked did an excellent job also. It showed his eyes to be exactly as you described. Again, great job!!
You did a great job with this Storybook so far. I liked the intro story. It really set the mood for the other stories and the picture really helps too. You did a great job with your descriptive words. The background and font is easy to read and simplistic. I liked the questions you had. It something that the reader uses to find the answer in the story or something we mentally keep in our heads while we read.
ReplyDeleteI didn’t see grammatical errors or confusing parts while reading so you did a good job at editing. I look forward to reading the rest of your stories and I hope these comments help you write better ones for your story book.
Hey Sara,
ReplyDeleteI really like your storybook topic and the spin that you took on all the classic stories of the villains. I read your Rumplestiltskin story and really enjoyed how you wrote it and the story itself. I found it very interesting that the main character of your story is a sort of interrogator for captured villains. It is something that I have never seen before and I thought that it was very clever. As for the Rumplestiltskin story I like how you really gave a different view of the story and show another side of the renowned villain. It was quite nice to read his side and what he told to “Penelope”. I was a little confused as to whether or not he was lying or telling the truth but I suppose that was the point of it all. I also really like the color scheme and layout that you picked. It really gave me the feeling of evil and even though the layout was simple I think it fit the theme of your story very well.